


change the future

by totallyfxcked



Series: play with time [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Stephen Strange is bisexual, fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 14:05:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15172310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallyfxcked/pseuds/totallyfxcked
Summary: stephen strange is the only one who knows how to beat thanos; he does everything in his power to make that future happen, even if that means disregarding his own thoughts and feelings.





	change the future

for doctor stephen strange, being bisexual was never something he doubted. he had always stuck to the prospect "seeing is believing;" he was quite the empiricist, if he was being honest. he trusted his own eyes and beliefs more than he trusted the word of others.

girls had nice hair, nice bodies, nice voices, nice thoughts... they were sweet. he liked their lipstick. his first kiss was a girl because he knew what the world was like.

the prospect of boys was also something strange thought was quite intriguing. they had nice hair, nice bodies, nice voices, nice thoughts... they were sweet, as well. he had never kissed a boy because he knew what the world was like.

he had never doubted his bisexuality, but he knew other people would. he listened to his parent's comments as they watched some program on an old tv. he heard the slurs, the insults, the names.

he knew he was valid; he really did. some days, however, those slurs and insults and names shook around his head like he was a human popcorn machine of suffering. he would throw himself further into his work, performing operation after operation until he could no longer hear the voices in his head.

maybe after his accident, he didn't miss his work as much as he missed the escape. the slurs and insults and names were always the loudest when he was alone.

learning the sorcery helped. once again, he was able to throw himself into his work. it was better to be frustrated due to lack of skill than to be broken due to lack of inner peace.

he didn't mind dying millions of deaths for the sake of the world; he wasn't thinking this at the moment, but he hoped it could account for some of his wrongdoings.

some days, he would spontaneously teleport to places all around the world and apologize. he would offer his sincerest regrets to patients he denied; he would do what he could with the powers at his disposal to at least temporarily ease their suffering. he hoped it mattered in the long run.

to summarize, stephen strange was a bisexual empiricist who did everything in his power to right his wrongs.

most of the time, he remained in the temple with wong and other students; he trained a few himself. he read every book in the library twice, learned the name of every constellation in the sky, and spent evenings going to the most beautiful places he could remember.

that is, until the reckoning came upon him in the form of a giant, green hulk crashing through the roof.

"thanos," he had said, sounding out of breath and maybe even awe-struck. "he's coming."

everything seemed to go still in that moment as his fingers drifted to the time stone, which hung loosely around his neck.

time, he considered. so much time, but never enough.

the end of the world had struck on a random tuesday. strange had wanted to buy a sandwich. he hadn't thought once about his parents who he hadn't seen in years. he didn't consider texting christine, like friends do.

he remembered his past; he couldn't spend his time dwelling when the future needed salvation. but... salvation from-

"who?" he had asked.

the answer wasn't important; it was a summary of events that already occurred. they had been events full of destruction, loss, and hopelessness. strange hoped they could eliminate the threat before it came to that point. however, there was only one way they could do that.

he had never been a fan of tony stark. he thought all of his gimmicks and spectacles were too much and that his heroic persona was all a show. maybe he didn't like tony stark because tony stark reminded strange of everything he had done wrong and everything he had hidden.

he was reluctant to attempt to garner the aid of this man but considered the fact that this was the end of the world, anyway. strange hated how quickly he had become so casually acquainted with the idea of the end.

he soon found himself in a park, standing over the iron man in the flesh. stark seemed very disinclined to immediately believe the words of a wizard who had just entered through a fiery hole in the sky. his eyes had softened, however, when they rested on dr. banner. strange wasn't stupid; he had known the man had been missing for years on end. maybe he just hadn't expected stark to care.

he whisked them back to his temple; he wouldn't tell them this, but that was where he was most comfortable (where the voices were the most quiet.) stark kept leaning on things that weren't meant to be touched; even strange's cloak was beginning to grow impatient with the man's ego.

they spoke of the infinity stones and all the power they held. the idea of them enchanted strange; anything he wanted could be brought about with nothing more than a snap of his fingers. he soon decided that no single entity should have that much power, especially if their intentions were not known and clear.

despite the fact that a whole army would soon be after him, the idea of hiding or destroying the time stone repelled the doctor. he chalked it up to a promise or maybe loyalty; he would never admit his constant visits to the future just to make sure he was prepared for something coming their way.

he knew the reckoning would come soon, whether it be by this thanos creature or another power-hungry entity in the mood for chaos. he just hadn't expected it on this day, on this perfectly normal tuesday. the chances had been so low compared to the others; strange had thought it absurd to worry.

dr. banner continued to ask questions, very stupid questions. he asked about the avengers, and strange found it difficult not to laugh. the avengers were done, as demonstrated by a lonely tower and millions of dollars in property damage.

strange sighed when the familiar feeling of frustration began blooming in his chest. this conversation with these people was a nightmare; at least the god of thunder had some charm.

"who would be able to find vision?" the doctor found himself asking; the mind stone was a necessity.

"probably steve rogers. maybe."

this time, strange couldn't refrain from scoffing. he had seen what went down between rogers and stark, and there was no completely coming back from that. he would never admit it to anyone, but he was on stark's side in the issue of the sokovia accords (and on the topic of the winter soldier. captain rogers had grown attached, and attachment was never good in a career like his.)

he had to admit that he felt slightly bad for stark as he stood with his flip phone in his hand, an apprehensive look on his face. it was like calling an ex, he assumed. he was pondering this idea when the wind picked up. it was a slight difference, so small that it almost went by undetected. stark pointed it out, confirming that strange wasn't just going crazy.

they headed outside, taking in the rapid winds and the rabid crowds fleeing in the opposite direction. as if it was a magnetic attraction, both he and stark began to move against the crowd, heading towards the point of danger.

"you might want to put that stone in your back pocket," stark said, his eyes flickering to the time stone on strange's neck as they moved.

"might want to use it," he replied simply.

he casted the beginnings of a time loop: the perfect getaway in difficult situations. stark regarded him with a look that strange couldn't identify (which strange responded to with an ego-fueled, i-am-better-than-you wink) before they and the others moved forward. the battle began shortly after. strange found himself a bit charmed by stark's banter with literal aliens, but did his best to keep his amusement off of his lips.

he didn't have to worry so much about that once he got pulled away, his cloak lingering in the air below him. he was trapped, but it didn't matter so long as the time stone was safe. he didn't listen to ebony maw's garrulous speeches about dying a noble death and making a sacrifice for the greater good. he didn't even pay attention as the alien left strange hovering a few feet above the ground.

"give me the stone," maw sneered as numerous, marble-colored needles materialized out of thin air and began making their way toward the doctor.

he found it somewhat ironic as the needles pierced his skin. he was a surgeon; he did this to other people. he filled others with pain. maybe he deserved this, he considered. he deserved the pain itching through his blood, pounding in his head, stabbing in his heart... he would sacrifice himself for the world. it wasn't like it was the first time this had happened.

it was only a coincidence when he looked up and saw them: tony stark and a smaller man dressed in a spider suit. he despised the prospect that he needed to be saved- he was no stereotypical damsel in distress- but dealt with it as best he could. the alien appeared to notice the two as well, but it didn't matter. he was soon gone, thanks to a plan right out of a movie.

later on, in the hull of the ship, he repeatedly denied that he had been rescued, only defended himself with insults and jokes that used either stark or his ward as the punchline. after some time-wasting persuasion, he begrudgingly agreed to a plan that he knew wasn't perfect. bad things would happen soon; he could feel it.

on the planet of titan, he was acquainted with the so-called guardians of the galaxy, who didn't really seem smart enough for the title. posthaste, he decided that his annoyance for that group was much stronger than his annoyance for stark and company.

as they bickered over a plan, strange came to the conclusion that he was their only hope. the stone on his neck would be their savior and their downfall. he closed his eyes, muttering a spell as he allowed the stone to show him the future.

14 million futures.

some were longer than others. oddly enough, the future always became bleak after the death of tony stark. sometimes it only took an hour for him to die. once, the iron man stood over the bodies of all of his friends and still managed to stab thanos in the heart before he met his fate.

the only constant was thanos snapping his fingers and killing half of the world (that is, if they didn't all die in battle first.) it was what led up to that snap that altered everything. victory was impossible if tony stark died too early. if peter parker were to die prior to the snap, tony stark's story always ended with self-destruction or a death that the man had brought upon himself.

the futures that ended in suicide were strange's least favorite to view. he watched tony live through the aftermath for months or even years only for the man to give up. although strange wished he didn't, he understood what tony was going through. he understood what it was like to be alone. to have no one left. these futures, as stated before, occurred about 16 times more frequently if peter had died in battle rather than turning to dust.

there were so many variables, and strange had to make sure to store each one just in case it ended in a win. although he knew he was blasting through the months and years at a speed hitherto unseen, it didn't feel that way. soon enough, from watching future after future and spending hour after hour with tony, peter, and the guardians, he felt like he was going to throw up each time one of them died.

he hated that he felt that way; he knew attachment was detrimental in his line of work. if he ever even implied that he had grown attached to the motley crew surrounding him, he would be a hypocrite. that was a title he had done everything to outgrow and wasn't quite ready to go back to.

strange bore the pain of many different futures; quill was hurled into space more times than the doctor could count, reminiscent of the death of the man's father figure. drax always got too cocky, too brazen, and thanos would take advantage. mantis would try to avenge her fallen family, but she would never succeed.

there were many instances where peter parker died. each time his last breath left his lungs, strange would realize how young the child really was. his heart would shatter if tony happened to live through the day only to find that his makeshift son hadn't. he was forced to watch screams and cries of agony and forced to learn the hard way that tony stark did, in fact, have a heart.

tony himself died more often than strange previously thought he would. it wasn't due to his own error, however. he sacrificed himself for hero after hero. most of the time, it was for peter, who ended up having to be sidelined anyway due to a scarily destructive combination of anger, grief, and guilt.

however, one possible future, as soon as it began, seemed different somehow. strange found himself growing hopeful as he watched. quill had come up with the plan, a very complicated one, that was meant to end with them pulling the glove off of thanos' hand.

the plan failed, and strange's face fell.

he watched them all disappear, squeezing his eyes shut as mantis uttered her last words, and then drax, and then quill, and then.. him.

strange-from-the-future spoke, his words a clear indicator of which future would be the winner.

"tony, there was no other way."

with that, he was gone. strange opened his eyes. he needed to watch, and he needed to watch closely. this was the part of saving the world that he would be dead for. his stomach twisted as peter wrapped his arms around his makeshift father, crying as he felt the death of billions on his shoulders. he begrudgingly watched tony cry, watched him hold the dust coating his hands close as if peter was still there somehow. it was heartbreaking.

tony was left alone with nebula, sister of gamora. he watched as they traveled back to earth, a distraught expression on tony's face and a determined one on nebula's. he watched as tony spent hours and hours in a lab in wakanda, coping with his grief in the most ineffective and detrimental ways possible. he threw himself into his work, just as strange had done for years and years. they were the same, he realized.

some days, though, tony would barely even move. he wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep.. what was he supposed to do? peter was ripped away from him in one of the worst ways possible. strange found himself wishing he could comfort the man, ease his suffering by telling him everything would be alright in the end. however, he was only a spectator watching hopelessly as the future rushed by.

one night, as tony shook with a nightmare, strange found himself rushing to his side even though he knew he couldn't do anything. he muttered the words quietly, as if he was interrupting something. "remember what i said, tony. there was no other way."

the man sat up abruptly in his sleep, and strange hopped back in shock. tony rushed back to his lab, mumbling something unintelligible under his breath as he worked.

the rest of the future seemed to blur by; strange became acutely aware of how fast everything was moving. he saw himself swirl back from dust on titan; he saw the same thing happen to the people he now knew so well.

at the end of the day, tony invited peter and the other avengers back to the tower to, although he would never say it aloud, heal together. he had a feeling that tony wouldn't want to be alone for the whole rest of his life.

strange didn't get an invite, but he didn't mind as long as they were happy and alive. that's where the vision of the future ended.

when he came out of his meditative state, he was hit with a bout of panic, grief, and fear. this feeling manifested itself in uneven breathing and wide eyes looking at nothing. tony stood right in front of the doctor. he looked... concerned.

"you're back. you're alright," tony said sincerely, and he seemed convincing enough. he sounded like he had experience with events like this.

strange blinked slowly, his breathing remaining erratic as his eyes once again drooped down to the pendant on his neck. the stone was no longer glowing, an indicator that he was truly back in reality. what a trip it had been. it was terrible, he decided, living through thousands of lifetimes yet never aging a day.

it was weird being spoken to after not even being directly looked at for what felt like centuries. in fact, it almost brought tears to his eyes. however, he couldn't do anything about it; he couldn't change the future. he had to say what he was meant to say. nothing more, nothing less.

strange followed his script, explaining everything carefully and doing his best not to let his heart overrun his head. he had to say everything exactly; if he didn't, the future could change, and, based on what he had seen, they couldn't afford for the future to change.

the fight came and went. he did everything he was meant to, said everything he was supposed to. he found himself in front of peter as tony conversed with the guardians further away.

"is this what you saw?" peter asked quietly, sounding afraid. "when you looked into the future?"

strange looked at the boy, and his defenses came crumbling down. his lips curled into a small smile. this kid brought out the best in tony; hell, this kid brought out the best in everyone.

"yes, but you can't tell anyone. if you do, it could change everything."

"then why are you telling me?"

strange sighed, making sure the others were still busy as he turned his attention back to peter. "something bad is going to happen to us. you, me, and the guardians. you'll know it when it comes."

peter went pale. "what-"

"you don't have to worry. it will be alright in the end. i promise."

"what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"that's all i can tell you. don't worry. okay?"

peter nodded, inhaling shakily. "could you have messed things up by telling me?"

"no; that is, as long as you don't spread it."

the end came soon after. mantis was gone. drax was gone. quill was gone. strange knew he was next.

"tony.." he had to stick to the script. " _i'm sorry_ ; there was no other way."

peter looked afraid, so strange did his best to send the kid a look that would say everything he couldn't.

with the snap of fingers, the blink of eyes, he was gone.

it was dark for a while. he felt like he was floating, just a dot in a huge black abyss with a... yellow lining. the soul stone, he realized. they were trapped in the soul stone. he laughed morbidly, but there was no sound. there was nothing in the void. no feeling, no sight, no sound.. just emptiness.

even with all of that quiet, it wasn't silent. the voices in his head made up for the lack of sound. he sighed noiselessly. someone, tony, would save them. strange had seen it with his own eyes. he just had to wait, so that was exactly what he did. after waiting for what felt like centuries, he came to the realization that he could, as a matter of fact, feel something: cold. it was the kind of cold that made strange feel as if he was moving through honey (that is, if he was even moving at all.)

he had dreams like this in the past, dreams where movement seemed impossible and help seemed unobtainable. his breathing grew slower and slower as time progressed, and he almost didn't notice. in fact, he didn't even notice his eyes had slipped shut until they were open again and everything wasn't black anymore.

the bright, orange-tinted light of titan was overwhelming compared to that of the soul stone. he immediately resorted to squinting and squeezing his eyes shut again. the air seemed thicker, too, and it took the man a few minutes for the dizziness in his head to fade. he blinked a few more times, doing everything he could to adjust to the light as soon as possible.

soon, he could see clearly. he sat up straight, gazing around the planet. it looked exactly the same as how they'd left it, including the unconscious bodies of all of his party. he inhaled sharply; were they dead? did they need immediate medical attention?

as if by magic, peter hopped up that very second, his eyes crazily wide and his breathing going haywire. strange found himself heading over to the kid, concern gracing his features.

"peter? are you alright?"

the words escaped his lips before he could think of anything more helpful or innovative to say. he was suddenly kneeling before the kid, a hand resting on his shoulder.

"you have to breathe. can you do that?"

he was a doctor; he had seen people have attacks like this before. he did his best to remember how they were handled through the blurriness fogging up his memories like raindrops on a windshield.

he motioned for peter to copy him, taking numerous deep breaths that cleared the dizziness in his brain more than he would like to admit.

"where's mr. stark?"

his voice stuttered and broke, and strange did what he could to ignore the sadness it brought about. strange had spent millions of hours with the kid, millions of hours in millions of futures that didn't take place.

"we're still on titan. i'm assuming the fight was on earth; he'll be here as soon as he can. i guarantee it, or.. maybe we could go there..."

peter nodded quickly, rubbing his eyes. "that hurt. that really hurt."

"it.. hurt?"

"have you ever had a feeling where you just knew the end was coming and you could.. feel it? like a warning?"

"quite often, yes."

"it was.. like that, i think, but a billion times worse. it was... as if.. i was taking the heat for everyone who died."

strange's face dropped. "that's why you knew so soon. you could feel it?"

"it's okay now. i'm fine."

"shit, kid. i'm sorry you had to go through that."

"i knew it was going to be okay. you told me it was going to be okay, but.. it just hurt so bad, and.. i dunno. i couldn't stay as strong as i would've liked to."

"you don't have to be strong all the time. trust me, that's a lesson i need to learn myself. now, are you alright to stand up? i think we should be heading back to earth."

peter nodded and slowly stood up, wobbling a bit on his feet.

"help keep him balanced," strange muttered to his cloak, which flew over to the kid in response.

he concentrated on a portal to somewhere he knew: not the hospital, that would be a rude awakening for the kid. tons of questions, lights in his face.. no. he considered the temple, his only worry being that stark would not be able to find his kid. suddenly, he remembered his vision from the future. he formed a portal to where he had been when stark found peter and motioned for the kid to go through.

he did as he was told, taking a deep breath before walking through the firey circle to new york. strange followed closely behind, letting the portal close after he was off of titan. considering all that had happened, the road looked relatively unharmed. there were a few fallen lampposts and many abandoned cars, but nothing that seemed like an actual safety hazard.

just as strange had predicted, the avengers quickly arrived on the street. they were beaten and bloody, but most importantly, they were victorious. tired smiles took their rightful places under exhausted eyes, yet all the heroes moved quickly; there were people they needed to find.

strange heard tony's voice before peter did.

"he's on titan. i need to get over there as fast as possible."

"calm down, tony," it was steve rogers; strange tried to ignore the frustration that bubbled in his chest at the sound of the soldier's voice. "why don't you get some rest first? the fight probably took a lot out of you."

"i don't need rest. i need to find peter and- and the others."

at the sound of his own name, peter's eyes flew up from the ground. he looked toward strange and then at stark, almost as if asking permission.

strange nodded as if to confirm that tony was, in fact, really real and really there. a huge grin grew on peter's face, and strange tried to remember the last time he had seen someone so happy.

"mr. stark!" peter exclaimed, running over to the man.

strange didn't turn around to see tony's reaction, deciding instead to save himself the hardship and go back to his temple where he belonged. his cloak flew back over his shoulders, and he knew what he was meant to do. he knew tony wouldn't want to see him; it was strange that had let his kid die in the first place, wasn't it?

"how did you get here?" he heard tony ask, his voice muffled (presumably from being in such a tight hug with peter.)

"dr. strange made a portal. knew i wanted to see you," peter answered quickly.

"hey strange! where are you going?"

it was tony's voice; strange clenched his fist at his side before turning around to face the man and his ward.

"wong would kill me if i let him clean up the whole temple by himself," he answered, attempting to not obviously be avoiding something (or rather, someone.)

"you're not going to hang around avengers tower with us for a little while? i invited everyone even those.. weird, space people with a message to their ship," tony said relatively cheerfully; sure, he had just saved half the universe, but strange hadn't thought the happiness would kick in so fast.

why was he being invited to avengers tower? this wasn't the future that he had seen back on titan. what had changed? the offer threw him off so much that he found himself rejecting it before he could even think.

"it's okay. really," strange insisted.

"are you sure? pete here is going to be really upset if you don't show," tony said, ruffling peter's hair and obviously trying to somehow guilt trip the doctor.

strange found himself silenced by his own indecision; he opened his mouth to say no again, but looking at peter's face and tony's eyes made him really want to change his mind.

"can i bring wong?" were the only words he could get out of his mouth through the metaphorical cotton balls in his throat.

"sure. the more the merrier, right?" tony answered before he was walking away again with his arm still wrapped protectively around peter. "avengers compound. seven on the dot."

"see you later wizard! thanks again!" peter shouted, looking at the doctor with a large smile on his face.

strange found himself watching with an odd sort of amusement on his face. he felt a warmth in his chest that he was sure he hadn't felt in a while. he found himself smiling as he whisked up a portal to go find wong.

this future wasn't the same as it was supposed to be, but they had won. they had won, and, maybe, for once in his life, strange could be better than he was.

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone!!! thanks so much for reading this!!! i kinda wanted to write more of them with the other characters, like tony, peter, wanda, and stuff so that may be a thing in your future:) if you want to follow me on tumblr, my user is thatsonearthdipshit :) once again thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed it!!!


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